‘Tis the season to have Hallmark playing 24/7 on your television. There’s something comforting about predictable romance and adults believing in Santa Claus.
A Coffee Warmer.
You’re just a big city girl trying to make partner in that fancy law firm at the tippy top of a skyscraper in NYC. You barely have time to even take a sip of coffee, let alone finish it while it’s still warm. Instead of yelling at your trusty assistant every few minutes to make another Starbucks run, grab one of these for your desk. This mug warmer will keep your coffee or tea as hot as your career.
Fancy Hand Cream.
You’re out at dinner with your big shot boyfriend. Listening to him talk about himself for what seems like hours. You reach for your glass of champagne and just as you’re about to take a sip you see the BIGGEST DIAMOND ring you’ve ever laid your eyes on. This is it, he’s proposing! Your five year plan is all coming together. You only have enough time to say yes before he has to take a call. It’s okay, he’s got lots of important businessman stuff to do. You understand. You’ll need to make sure your hands are instagram ready for a ring selfie so you grab your favorite hand cream from your purse.
Some Awesome Chopsticks.
Fast forward to Thanksgiving. You spend all day in a modern apartment void of color. You’re stuck in a montage of cooking fails, ending with a very much on fire Turkey. You just wanted the perfect holiday, alas big business fiancé sends a text that he won’t be making it to dinner after all. Time to grab your trusty chopsticks from the drawer and munch on leftover Chinese food in bed.
Travel Bottles.
You get a phone call in the middle of the night, it’s an area code that’s all too familiar. Someone from your home town. It’s your Aunt, she’s calling to let you know she’s losing the farm. The one you grew up on. Who will provide that small town with apples and jam now? She knows you’re busy, but you have a lot of things in dusty boxes to look through and decide what matters enough to keep. You put all your expensive creams and shampoos in convenient travel containers because Lord knows that tiny town won’t have anything but drugstore skincare. You’re on a flight the next morning.
Foldable, Portable, & Comfy Women’s Shoes.
Oh No! The airline lost your luggage, you broke a heel in the airport, and you just spent three hours stuck in between two large snoring men on the flight. Could this day get any worse? It can now that you’ve said that. You bump into a man wearing flannel and his peppermint hot cocoa spills ALL OVER you. He apologizes at first but once he’s met with your glare and, “THIS IS DESIGNER,” tantrum he decides to antagonize you by saying you owe him $5 for his hot chocolate. You don’t have time for this. You’ve got innocent airline employees to yell at. You grab these nifty travel shoes from your handbag and you’re on your way.
Comfy Flannel Throw Blanket.
The airline promises to call when they find your luggage. So you head to the parking lot to find the ride your Aunt and Uncle set up for you. Who do you see leaned up against an old red pick up truck with a golden retriever in the passenger side window? That infuriating man in flannel, holding a sign with your name on it. This is your ride? You stomp over while he gets in on the driver’s side, you open the door and there’s no room, the dog is taking up the whole passenger seat. The man motions for you to get in the bed of the truck, he can’t be serious. He leans over and shuts the door, “Old Pilot here gets car sick if he’s not riding up front, but you’re welcome to walk if you’re too good to ride in the back of a truck,” There is no way you’re walking, so you climb on up. At least there’s a blanket to keep you warm…oh look it’s flannel.
Rhubarb Strawberry Jam.
You arrive at the farm and you’re greeted warmly by the Aunt and Uncle who raised you after your parents passed away when you were but a baby. They’ve missed you, but don’t want you to feel guilty for never calling or checking in. They understand you’re busy, it’s not like you owe them your entire happy childhood or anything. They explained they can’t afford to keep the farm up, even though it means EVERYTHING to the people in that town. You’re a lawyer though, and you find a loophole! They have until Christmas Day to pay some absurd amount of money to keep it, you come up with a plan to help them raise it, a festival at the farm! You spread their homemade jam over your toast and happily begin to make plans.
Pillowy Lip Tint.
You’ve rolled up your sleeves and gotten to work. Suddenly you hear that old red pick up coming down the long dirt driveway. Mr. Flannel pulls up and his dog is sitting happily in the back! “I thought he got car sick back there?!” He gives you a wink and a shrug, saying he doesn’t remember ever saying such a silly thing. It takes everything you have not to go to town on his truck with the shovel in your hand. He goes off with your uncle into the barn and you tell your aunt how much you hate him. She laughs and says he’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s like a son to your uncle, and he’s really stepped up helping them in anyway he can. She says his heart was broken when his high school sweetheart cheated on him and left him for someone who made more money. Suddenly his facial hair begins to look attractive and rugged to you. You fix your hair and reach into your pocket to put on some subtle lip tint.
The Perfect Flannel Shacket.
You’re now stuck in a beautiful montage with this manly man. Fixing up the farm, and dare I say it, bonding? You ride along with him to his cider mill. It’s beautiful. He lays out a blanket and asks if you want to try some cider. You drink, you talk, you open up to each other, and you fall in love. Just like that. He tells you how he felt inadequate with his simple life. You tell him that his life is ideal. Something you could see yourself living. It becomes a little chilly and he offers you his jacket. You’ve never felt so cared for. You both fall asleep snuggled up together next to the fire. You take off your giant ring.
Beautiful Christmas Dress.
You wake up smiling, he drives you home. He’s going to meet you later at the festival. Alas, you walk into your room to see your fiancé. Gasp. He decided to come to the festival to surprise you. Of course the one time he’s thoughtful it’s so inconvenient. You’re going to have to let him down easy. He comes in for an intimate hug, you’re hugging when your new love interest walks in with your ring, he sees you mid embrace, “I thought you might need this back, guess I was right” he says. You give him a panicked look. “No woman ever really wants simple do they?” He walks out the door. Later at the festival he’s nowhere to be found. You’re so heartbroken that you decide to fly back to NYC. You’ve saved the farm, the only logical thing to do is leave without trying to explain what happened was nothing more than a goodbye hug. It’s too bad, because you look stunning in your mother’s old Christmas gown.
Mistletoe.
You’re at the airport waiting for your flight. Unbeknownst to you your Aunt and Uncle explained everything to your prince in flannel. He drives as fast as he can, he runs through the airport. Somehow he gets past security because this is romance and the TSA officer was clearly Santa in disguise. You look up and lock eyes. He walks slowly to you, snow begins to fall outside the windows. Suddenly you both look up, you’re standing under mistletoe. You kiss passionately, so much so that you make everyone around you uncomfortable. The End, or is it?
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The Cozy Mommy 
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